Going strong!

Its soon been a week, since I stop taking training and what I eat so serious. I have figure out that I did and still have a eating disorder and training disorder. But Im aware now, and thats good. I feel like Im a new person, living a normal life. I still train, but not so serious, I have gone from weight lifting to more calistetichs workout, and its really fun! My mind is still in confusion after this life changing moment, but I think my life will be so much better now.

I now train cause I want to, not because I feel like I need to, and thats a feelin I have missed alot!

“Living healthy does not mean eating healthy all the time, spend houers lifting weights, running and sweating. Sometimes its all about doing what ever feels right for YOU, and nothing more, and eat what ever feels good for you. Its okey. Living healthy, sometimes mean, living unhealthy”.

A quick quote.

On of my favorites comedian once said “There is nothing more liberating than having your worst fear realized” – Conan O`Brien.

This is so true I think. Losing my muscle gains and not have a visible six pack has been one of my greatest fear the last year (I feel stupid writing it). I have spent hours looking in mirrors and felt guilty every time I ate something I was not suppose to eat. Or having a  day off.
Well, this is about to change! Because, and I truly believe this “There is nothing more liberating than having your worst fear realized”. This will make me a better person and make me the person I once was.

Hope everyone having a great day! This will be my first Monday of this project to a healthier mind and body, and I’m actually pretty excited.

Who do I really train for?

When I first started taking training serious I did it only for myself. I loved every secound of it. It was so fun! The feeling I got, it was addicting.

But lately, or if Im honest, the last year, I haven`t really trained because I wanted to do it, but because I feel it is expected. I feel like my friends, girlfriend and family expect me to train and take it very serious. This have result in some very hard training periodes, in the worst periode I had two hard sessions in one day 5 days a week and 2 days with one hard session. Thats not healthy!

But really, no one really gives a f***. Its only in my head, and I have to work on that. Today I had a long conversation with my girlfriend about me not taking training and what I eat so serious. And she was really happy about it. I know it has been differcult for her. I have skipped alot of familiy dinners, couple dates, and date nightes because of my obsession with my body and training. And I feel bad. But she will love me no matther what, and I know that. So will my family and my friends. And let be honest, if someone only wanna be your friend or life partner as long you got a six pack, a great body and train hard, screw them. Its really what you got inside that counts, and if Im being honest, I have forgot that.
People will not acept me more if my body looks good, thats riddiculious, but for the last year I have belived that. And this need to STOP! My friends, girlfriend and family will acept me more if Im stop saying no, and start saying yes to events and life, and I need to learn that. 

I want to find that training spirit again, that feeling I got before. When I did it only for me. And I need to find my personality again, and get it in to my head that pepole will acept me no matther how my body looks.

If you train for someone else, its not worth it.

Feeling guilty.

One thing that I wish I never learned, is reading food labels. I have spent so much time reading and learning what kind of food thats good for you and bad for you. I always check the food label before even considering buying it. Like, is the fat content high or low? Is there good fats? What about the carbohydrate? How many grams of sugar? Is it low in protein? I mean, why can’t I just grab it, if I want it? I really want to be able to do that, and not feeling guilty.

Im not saying its not important to eat healthy. But isn’t it really enough keeping it on a basic level? That is, veggies and fruits are healthy, meat is a great protein source, whole wheat are best, and stay hydrated. Not analyse every piece of food. And not feel guilty if you eating more than you thought you would eat or not feeling guilty if you have a chocolate or something that you really love, but you know is bad for you.
Just eat it.

This is one of the things I really need to learn. Be able to eat everything and not feeling guilty about it.

“Omg, how do you do it”?

I have always loved sports. But I have always loved playing video games, chilling on the couch and just do whatever I want. In my childhood and early teens I used to train cross skiing a lot. And not to brag, I was kind of good at at, but I was young and I didn’t want to train everyday and eat healthy, I was a teen, I wanted to do teen stuff! My father have always been a beast when it comes to running and cross country skiing. And I think he really wanted me to continue cross skiing, I think he was disappointed with that choice I did, but he never pushed me, dont get me wrong.

After this I started with skateboarding. It was a couple of years, it was really fun. Its a sport where you just find your own style. And after that I began to lifting weights. Just a really normal routine, looking back now I realize I wasn’t very serious, but it was fun, and I miss that. I did this on and off for a couple of years until I started to take training really serious.

If you read my first post, you know that I lost a lot bodyweight. I began reading a lot about training and food, I took it really serious. I learned a whole lot about training and food. I got way more serious with the weight lifting, starting to do a lot of bodyweight training and I began running a lot. I have even completed two half marathons. And last year I started with Muay Thai (If you haven’t tried it, try it! Its really fun and you learn much about yourself)

But now, I’m really tired of being so serious about training and food. At first, when all of my friends was saying “Omg, how do you do it”? “How do you lost all that weight?” It was really fun, I felt like a accomplished something good for myself, and I did. And when my father was impressed, I was really proud, because of my choice earlier. And that feeling is kind of addicting. And you want to keep get that feeling and keep impress, no matter what. And I think this can be unhealthy. If you are saying no to parties, saying no to hang out with friends because it dosent fit with your training schedule, its unhealthy. And I have been doing it for a long time, “no” have been my answer to everything. I wanna change that. 

Going for it.

I have decided that on this blog, or this diary I’m going to be complete honest with
myself. I hope this thing can be a factor to help myself in my life, and I think it can.

So, where do I begin? Well, too about year 2015 I didn’t care about what I ate. I could eat everything without thinking about it. I didn’t care about what my body look like. I trained strengt training a lot back then, and still do. But I trained, and eat what I liked afterwards. Just like a normal person.

But in 2015 I took a major change in my life. I went from 115-120kg to 85kg. So I dropped over 30kg. I started to count calories, I only ate healthy foods, I was saying no to alcohol and I began to run a lot. And I really learned a lot about food and training. And it was really fun actually, but after I reach 85kg, thats when the problems started.

I got obsessed with food and training and how my body look. And I’m still obsessed. But I begging to realize that life isn’t broccoli and chicken, or having a six pack, I think its more.

So that whats this blog will be about, my journey to a healthier mind. Wish me luck!